I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
