I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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