her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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