I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
