She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
