Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
