You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
