Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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