I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
