At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
