To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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