i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I had to cum in my sink.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize