Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
