Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
