hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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