I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
