you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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