I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
