I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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