cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
