I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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