mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My room smells like vodka and shame
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
