Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
