This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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