i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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