dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've blown a few things in my day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
