So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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