they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
