I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
