i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
