I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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