sarcasm needs its own font
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
