I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize