I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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