Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
