so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
