mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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