This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
