I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
