sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize