people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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