At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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