Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
