Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize