one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
