I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
