Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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