Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
