Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I forget how to act sober
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
