so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
