i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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