everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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