im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
