my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
