if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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