we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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