I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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