I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize