with your own penis?
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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