I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
