You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
