So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
