I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
