You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize