wakey wakey hands off snakey
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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