that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
