I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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