I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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