There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
