who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
