i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Randomize
