Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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