Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize