"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
