I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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