Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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