I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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