Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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