Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
