Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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