I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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