Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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