i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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