I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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