Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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