Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sober January is a disaster.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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