he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize