The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
