Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize