Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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