oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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