yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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