When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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