By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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