You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
