those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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