i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
