I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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