I cut my penus on the lid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
