Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
