walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
