apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
