Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
