I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
