You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Two words: blizzard sex
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
