Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
