I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
