before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
