Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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