Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
