Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
