shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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