not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
