I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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